this christmas.

Three things need to be addressed.

1. I suck at updating this.

2. I've reached beyond my goal for Puerto Rico. My mom's response? "Someone wants you to go." No joke. My faith just keeps growing.

3. Christmas. Usually I'm not about all the "christmas-y" things. Such as lights, music, movies (minus Elf), etc. This year it's been different. It was BEFORE Thanksgiving and the Nsync Christmas album was busted out. Right after Thanksgiving the house was decorated. And maybe that part is different this year because it's MY house. Lights are outside and in. There's a tree. Window cling-ons. Door hangings. Christmas parties galore. Not to mention, I have watched Elf like, at least 10 times. I have never been more in the Christmas spirit. My heart is just happy. My small group bought stuff for the Christmas Shop and my eyes just seem more open. I can't wait to go home and be with my family. I love that my mom's side doesn't do presents. We just go and eat and be together. That's what I'm excited for. And those precious babies, Skylar and Caleb. On my dad's side this year we did something different as far as presents. We did our grab-bag like we always do, but this year we didn't have a list to write what we wanted and it was only a $10 thing. I'm quite excited for that too. Haha, those gifts could be quite fun. I love being together with them as well. I love having all the kids running around everywhere (7 under 8 years old, if I counted right). ooh I just love it. AND this year I think we're going to Chicago to ice skate that night. New memories to be made.

Going along with Christmas, today's church service was great. I recommend going to crossingsknoxville.com to listen to the podcast. The question was addressed, "What if Christmas was a world changing event, again?" Oh my goodness. What would the world be like? What would stores do if 4.5 billion dollars (yes, that's right, billion) wasn't spent JUST around Christmas time? What if that hope that a baby brought to the world was actually celebrated? What would it be like? I was just about brought to tears during Common Meal today just thinking about that and just thinking about my life. I am so ridiculously blessed. I don't need anything. Yes, I have times of "trouble" but I have an amazing family, I have amazing friends that accept me for me when at times that could be difficult, I have a roof over my head, I have a job. I just want to celebrate that. I want to be able to rejoice that we have such a loving God that sent his Son into a world of selfishness and hate in order to give his people the shalom that was intended.

So what if Christmas was a world changing event, again?

I encourage you to check out these two things.

1. Advent Conspiracy: http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20091215/us_time/08599194759000

2. Rebel Jesus: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEC7d5jbAbo

i hope and pray you all have an amazing Christmas and that you can go beyond just thinking the phrase that so easily gets tossed around of "Jesus is the reason for the season" but that you can find hope and that restoration from the babe in the straw.

"so i bid you pleasure
and i bid you cheer
from a heathen and a pagan
on the side of the rebel Jesus"

PR bound.

So I figured I'd update this real quick.

I sent out my support letters for Puerto Rico less than a month ago. I am AMAZED at how God is providing already. I shouldn't be, because, well, WHO AM I to be amazed at what our Creator can do? It's nothing that I know he can't. It's just been a continuous reminder of how blessed my life truly is. I have an amazing family. Family meaning three things here: my actual blood-related family, my family in Christ, and my family-away from home in Knoxville, including my amazing friends. I don't deserve any of it, but my life is blessed beyond my words.

As far as an update on that, I have enough to buy my plane ticket, which is a huge weight off my shoulders. I'm hoping to get that in about a month or so!

For those of you who are thinking, what support letters? Puerto Rico? Well, you should know. :] I'm doing my 3rd placement of my internship in Puerto Rico in March/April. Just ask, I'll tell you more about it!

Oh yeah. And if you are reading this and got a letter, I'm a moron. I wrote Knoxville, IN. Clearly, I go to school in TN! :]

Thanks for all your love and support! Continue with those prayers.

I also started my Kindergarten placement today. More to come on that...

I have decided...

...that I need a job where I can just love on kids. There are so many kids who are hurting and that just need to know that they are loved. That’s all I want to do. I don’t want to teach and discipline them, I just want to spend time with them and love on them and show them that there’s a Greater Love.


Where can I get an application?

it's a scary thing.

So I am almost 23 years old. I am in graduate school. And I don't know what I want to do with my life. It's a scary thing.

The past year or so I've been debating about whether or not I really wanted to be a teacher. Whether or not my passion lies there. Whether or not that's what God wants me to be doing with my life. I've kept that all in until recently.

August 10 started my internship. I'm at a Title I elementary school in 1st grade. I'm with a great mentor teacher. I love the first grade team I'm working with. I've enjoyed getting to know the rest of the staff. The kids are too bad either :]. But the more I'm there, the more I don't think I should be. That passion isn't there and it terrifies me. I don't have any desire to do lesson plans the rest of my life! The students just started school this past Monday, so the first week was all staff meetings. Don't even get me started on those. I don't desire to work in the school systems. At all. Wow. And I just spent 4 years working towards that. Since May I've been in class and working on my thesis, and I'm just wishing I would have done student teaching just to get it all over with.

What scares me most is I have no idea what else I would do. But here's the thing. I still want to own/direct my own preschool one day. And I even would love to do preschool right now. I know that is definitely still teaching, but it's not in the school system. It gives you plenty of more le-way with working with things and different ideas. Yes, it still has it's regulations, but it's different. That's what I've always wanted to do. And what's great, is I can do that with my degree. But I almost feel like it's narrowing my options. But if it's what I really want to do, then is that bad?

And what really really frustrates me are these classes. For those of you who don't know, we (interns) were in staff meetings for a week, with our kids for a day and a half, then pulled out to take two-four hour long classes for a week. Okay, for one, if the first two weeks are the most important, WHY are you taking us OUT!? Yes, I know what I said about being there, but how can I try to enjoy it if I'm not? And for two, all the work. I am NOT trying to be lazy, but let me tell you what we have to do, for one class, we have a five-page paper that's due every Saturday for each chapter covered, which totals eight. Yes, that's right, that's forty pages. Okay, that's not too bad since it's every Saturday. Next class, we have a 10 page research paper, a board game, a video, 2 journal reviews (three pages each), some states project thing, and I believe there's something else as well. These two class-work assignments are spread out from now until December. And on top of this is our internship which we do daily journals, a weekly report, a weekly schedule, and lesson plans for anything we teach. Oh yeah, and I work part-time off campus. And I can't not work. It's just really frustrating.

So that's my heart on the line.

a PERFECT game.

So I've been home for about a week and a half. It's the first time I've sat here and done NOTHING. I mean, I've slept, watched tv, played on the computer, and just RELAXED. Probably helps that I know I shouldn't be spending money so I haven't been going out much.

It's been relaxing though. What I don't get is why is it when you're about to leave, THEN things get busy? I decided a few days ago that I'm heading back to good ol Ktown early; next Thursday to be exact. I wasn't put on the schedule at the BBA here and I need to be working, so I'm letting Regal own me for the rest of my break. I also have another paper to write that I need to do during that time.. anyway. I'm leaving Thursday, and here's my schedule until then:
tomorrow: Ann's funeral (Dave's mom. keep the fam in your prayers please). and hanging out with Mrs Jen Thiele!
Sunday: church and family cookout
Monday: dinner with the BBA girls (holla!)
Tuesday: visiting Lisa and a movie with Monica and Brian
Wednesday: heading to Indy to stay at Cora's.
Thursday: peacin out to Knoxville and workin the midnight.

And among that time I need to hang out with Tabby, see Robbin and Dakota, go by Dad and Brenda's, go see the Clouse's one more time, and try to squeeze in another Katrina/Emilee time. holy crap. BUSY.

Things have been good though. I'm upset I can't make it to Mimi's wedding or Daniel and Cara's (incredibly sad about that one since I won't be able to see everyone!!!!), AND I don't get to see my Sox play at all. Although, it's been nice to actually WATCH a game.

Speaking of the Chi-Sox. What about that PERFECT GAME!!!?? YEAAHHH!
PUT! IT! ON! THE! BOARDDDDDDD!!!!



I suppose that's all.

Oh. and Thanks to Mr Brent Bradley, I'm addicted to Lost. (I dont know if that's mentioned at all in the last one). I went through the first season in a few days and the second in a few days as well. pathetic. I need to watch the third season. our internet sucks so I can't watch it online.

Okay. that's for real all this time.

why all the pain?

Apparently I suck at updating this thing. Things have just been crazy.

Classes are finally over for the summer, technically. The GOING to class is over, however, I still have two more papers to do: Stats and my part of the Lit Review. Thanks to the wonderful economy though, I won't be working too much while I'm home on break, so apparently I will have a lot of time to work on those. It makes me nervous that I won't be working for so long. I have bills to be paid and I hate, absolutely HATE relying on my mom for help. I know it's just something I will have to rely on God to get me through and I know everything will work out, it just makes me really nervous. Especially since I was planning on putting some of the money I made these 4 weeks towards Puerto Rico. It will all work out..

Other than that, I think it's just been work and babysitting and trying to get everything together and finished. It's been a busy Summer. I can't believe it's July already, then again, it feels like it should be later. It's crazy to think I will be home for 3.5 weeks then will come back and start TEACHING! holy crap. Let's not think about that.

Hm. Have I mentioned how freaking excited I am to see Bryan Greenburg? For all of you who don't know who he is, he is Jake Jageilski on One Tree Hill; my absolute favorite character and tv show. He's a musician and he's playing at Schuba's in Chicago. He's also in the movies Prime and Bride Wars.. just to help you out at placing him. I'm stoked. And Boys II Men is tomorrow! HA. now that will just be fun to go to. I'm excited to be home and hang out with my friends in the HMD.. it's been too long. And of course the family cookouts as well. I've also decided today that since I'm not working, my days are going to be spent at the beach aka the Dunes. Once again, excited.

So I started watching Lost too. I'm hooked. Finished the first season in 4 days. That's RIDICULOUS. Me and Chad went hiking yesterday and I was in survivor mode thinking, FRESH WATER! every time I saw it. Ha. It made the hike even more fun.

anyway.

So Becky told me yesterday morning that Alex Coker's mom passed away. Alex was one of my preschoolers in the ECLC the first year I was in there (LOVED that kid). She died of a pulmonary blood clot. Her name was Stephanie, dad's is Heath and then they have Alex who's 7 and a baby girl named Ziva who's about a month old. Just keep them in your prayers, please. I just cried when Becky told me, I can't even imagine what Alex is going through. Right before I went to bed I emailed Health, got ready for bed, was praying for them all and broke down. I don't think I've cried that hard in a LONG time. Gary died of a blood clot and it just brought back so many memories of that day and the weeks after and all the hurting that went on and watching my mom especially go through it all. Everyone wrote on Health's wall to stay strong, but I told him he didn't have to be. I HATED when people told me, 'be strong for your mom.' HATED IT. How was I suppose to stay strong? I was hurting too. I told him it was okay to not be strong, but he needed to be strong in the sense of not forgetting of Alex and Ziva after everything today (today was the services). Kasie was gone at school after everything happened and I was older, so I could take care of myself after everything with Gary. But I just told him not to forget about them and not to forget to take care of himself too. I just didn't know what else to say, and I know there's nothing really TO say. Just pray for them.

I don't really know why God does the things he does at times. I know He wants us more than anything and Heaven is beyond our comprehension so being with Him is better than being here, but why all the pain that has to go with it? It just sucks. Plain and simple.

Well, I opened up my Stats file to work on that and ended up on here instead. Funny how that works. But now I need to lay my stuff out for work tonight.. I get to work the midnight of Harry Potter! HA. I hope people dress up. As of Friday it was in 3 theaters.. I don't know if we've opened another one. It should be good times.. But that needs to be done, I need to make sure I have everything packed and don't forget anything, and I need to wash my hair and head to Chelsea's because she's cutting it! Excited.

Peace out friends.

let's see how this goes.

So I've wanted to start a blog for awhile now. Simply just to get my thoughts out and share. It's refreshing to get things out, no matter what the form is, and it's even refreshing reading other people's blog as well. Which is another thing I'm hoping; to stay up to date with my friends. There are those friends that you don't talk to regularly because you both simply are busy, live hours away, oceans away, etc. And I think if I were to be on here too, it would help me to keep up and not have to read 3 or 4 blogs at a time like I did today with certain friends that are adopting or are overseas! :] So my goal is to blog on here at least once a week or so. maybe two. ha. we'll see how things go.

So. my life currently: Just started my last class for the summer! It's a Web 2.0 class, which is actually what got me to actually start this. It seems like it's going to be an interesting class. I can't believe I'm on my last Grad School Summer class. These past few months have gone by so slow and I didn't think my "summer break" would ever get here. Yet, in 2 days it will be July. Which is CRAZY! This is the first year I won't be home on the 4th of July! It's my favorite holiday too. Last year kind of sucked since I had surgery 3 days prior, but I was still able to be home. However, this year I will be in North Carolina at Ashlie's! I'm excited to go visit her. I miss our dorm days. I was really blessed with the roommates I had.. Ashlie 2 years, Mindy, and Cora. I really couldn't have asked for anyone better!

So exciting things for the next week or two: Linds and Craig are here!!! It was sooo good spending time with them today and tomorrow with Lindsay will be great too. I miss her! Let's see.. Carly's cutting my hair Thursday! That's exciting. Megan will be here Thursday and Friday!! NC on Saturday and Sunday. David Cook is next Wednesday! I head to Indy the following Saturday to stay at Cora's and to go see Dave Barnes for the umphteenth hundred time, which is still just as exciting every time.

So I guess that's all for now. I don't want to write a novel. I'm pretty skilled at rambling. All in all, this summer has been really great, despite grad school. God has thrown some crazy things my way which have made me make 'adult decisions' and feel grown up and such and then other random things and just showering me with blessings daily. It amazes me daily how He continues to love me despite the decisions or stupid things I do. Yet, he's still there. Also, another great thing this summer is the study of John on Wednesday nights at Crossings that was started. I haven't gone to church other than Sunday since high school and it's just been refreshing to have during the week.

So yeah. That's me thus far.

peace out friends.